Before you all start freaking out… I’m on what I’d like to call a professional leave of absence.  I know Rob’s going to love throwing the private MySpace profile back in my face.  And my blog isn’t actually down, just covering up obvious access to it (which you should have figured out if you’re actually reading this).  Those that know me well know I like back doors and mind games.  You can easily get to the blog from the main URL if you just look closely.  The trick is still getting spidered on search engines but appearing to have the site down. 

That being said, it has been an interesting week.   Stress levels are only rising.  I thought I at least had the weather going for me but comparing it to the rest of the week, it is a cold and bitter day.  I’ve noticed a constant battle going on in my head between wanting solitude and wanting anything but solitude.  It is not fun.  And apparently I’m not sleeping again, at least not like a normal person.  It seems I constantly feel belittled and worthless which makes me want to hide, yet I get lonely hiding and want people to care.  I think that definitely is classified as stuck between a rock and a hard place.  Sometimes I think I have a mental disorder.  I may need to talk a new approach to my personality and be one of those people that just sit, consume, and say what people want me to say.  Although, figuring that out sometimes is hard so you’re stuck saying a whole lot of nothing a lot.  That is something I’m not very good at.  Maybe in my next life I should be a plant.  My plant isn’t looking that great but when it needs attention it just sags its leaves a little and I hop right to taking care of it.  Such a simple way of communicating.  And my plant has never snatched something from my hands and stormed away which I classify as treating me like a child.  What a happy little plant I must have.

It is already Thursday and I have no plans for the weekend that involve cleaning or organizing yet.  I am helping Jesse move but that isn’t nearly as much work as having to organize your own stuff.  I have some computer work to do this weekend and maybe a little picking up.  It is going to be nice to sit and relax on the couch a little.  The first IRL race is Saturday and I don’t have ESPN2 though so that’s sad.  I hate to go to some bar by myself and watch it but I may have to.  Would Old Chicago have that on cause I can hang out there for free.  Yea Gift Cards!